Write a Memoir? Me?

Yesterday at brunch, a good friend suggested I write a memoir about all the changes I've made in my life (and some that were made for me). She said that most people don't and won't make the large changes I've made (moving places without knowing what I was going to do once I got there, moving without knowing where I was moving to) and don't take the risks I've taken. The idea sounded crazy to me, but she was persuasive, so the idea has been rattling around in my mind like a marble in a can.

But how interesting would it be? I don't even have an "and I've been so successful, have done so many wonderful things, have a job I love, etc., etc., etc.," ending for the memoir. All I can imagine is someone reading this story and saying "See? You take all those risks and end up living in a bedroom in someone else's house while all your stuff is in storage and your bank account is starting to sound like a sucking chest wound." I mean, I can always hope that by the time I came to the end of the story I'd actually have some sort of success story to end with.

One good thing I can think of that could come out of writing it is that I'd have to take a step back and look at my life differently. I'd have to own some part of being brave enough to do these things. I'd have to own up to being strong enough to get through my mother's death and aftermath. I'd have to see my life as something more than the train wreck I currently think it is.

But could I? Isn't my life rather a train wreck?

Unlike people like The Bloggess, I don't write a public blog. I don't want to share the details that I share with you with the whole world, in part because I don't want potential clients and employers to see this side of me. I don't think I'd get hired if they did.

A memoir would be different from this blog. This blog is about journaling and processing and therapy. It's uncensored, stream-of-consciousness writing with very little editing. It's long and rambling and sometimes barely has a point. A memoir would have to be different.

So the marble is rolling around and around in the empty tin can that is my mind. I may put some words on paper to see if anything happens. I'm open to suggestions and feedback. Do any of you really think the past 12–15 years of my life are memoir-worthy? (I moved from Seattle to the Oregon Coast in 2001, which is why I'm going back that far.)

Validation

Follow me!

Sometimes I forget what this blog is. Sure, it started out as a way to share info with friends and family as I made my way to where I ended up. But I ended up somewhere, then this was a blog about my new home. And, when my life fell completely apart, it became a journal, a place to process what I worked on and discovered within therapy and without, and a place to vent my raw feelings and thoughts, without need to censor or be tactful.

It remains a journal, and I am very grateful to those of you who visit and comment because I enjoy what you have to say and I feel uplifted by your support. However, I began to crave comments. As someone who has long sought for validation externally, it took me long enough to figure that out. I realized this week, maybe Wednesday, that I feel bad if only one person comments. In fact, I feel inadequate if fewer than four people comment. (Weird, to have a number, but I do.)

At such times, I worry that my posts are too long, too boring, too negative, too sad, too much about myself. I wonder if I should change my posts to please my "audience". I forget, in other words, what this blog is.

**Allowing the laughter to subside**

I guess this is a good Learning Moment. It's pretty sorry that I need external validation so badly I consider changing what I write in my personal journal to try to get more comments.

**Quiet moment for obligatory shame**

I hope to remember this moment and this realization. I forgot it about five times over the past couple of days, luckily remembering it again each time. I'm staying up late to write this before I forget again. It's worth remembering.

Will writing this post help me learn to find my validation from within rather than without? On first consideration, it wouldn't seem so. It's just a blog post, right? But given what I, and all of you, have seen on this blog in the past almost three years (I know!), writing these posts has become part of my processing new information and making it possible to internalize changes. So, yeah, I think that's what writing this post will lead to: greater movement toward my finding my validation within myself. (That's a lot of "my's".)

It's hardly fair of me to put all of that on all of you.

Confidence Falls

Y'know, when I first set out to move back to Seattle, I was full of confidence about finding work back in high tech. I had a long history of high tech and I'd done a lot of extreme editing of scientific materials and I'd broadened the types of writing I've done with my various projects in Houston. Fantastic, right?

So now I am in Seattle and I've settled in and begun networking and looking for work. I've joined meetup groups in Content Strategy, Information Architecture/User Experience (IA/UX), general technology, and so on. I've gone to their meetup events. And my confidence has been pouring out of me like blood from an open arterial.

For example, last night I went to a Content Strategy meetup with my friend. The first presentation was fairly basic and I didn't really find it that informative or interesting, but the presenter was pretty excited about it so that made it okay. The second presentation was exciting, entertaining, and … confusing. I may have taken in about 10% of what the guy was talking about. The fellow to my right, an engineer and writer, had the opinion that the presentation was fairly content-free. I felt like I was too stupid to understand it, because everyone else seemed to really like the presentation. On the way home, I expressed my feeling and the other guy's opinion to my friend and he asked me what points I was confused about or what questions I had because maybe he could answer them. I only had one basic question because the rest of the presentation didn't make enough sense to me for me to even have questions I could articulate. I know I've been out of the high-tech biz for a while, and that things that used to be just what tech writers did are now their own professional niches with their own jargon, but I expected to be able to understand a hell of a lot more than what I did last night!

Secondly, I am not getting responses to job applications, other than the one where a friend submitted me via his company's employment referral system, probably because I've been out of high-tech for so long. There's a lot of jobs I'm not even applying for because of not having a few of their Required qualifications: specific programming languages, specific tools. I'm very happy to be here, but maybe I'm too out-of-date, too old. But if I'm not writing and editing, I don't know what else I can do. And honestly, I need to be working a professional job in high tech to be able to afford a decent apartment now and a decent house someday in this area. Besides all the other typical living expenses.

Yes, I have found a part-time freelance job, or rather, it found me. But it's taken me three weeks (okay, three part-time weeks, but still) to truly get up to speed on the information and how they want it presented for this first project and I've just been revising the existing stories written by someone else. I haven't even begun to write original text yet and I'm as nervous as my housemates' cat about doing so. What if I can't do this anymore? What if my work sucks?

A Body at Rest Tends to Stay at Rest

Inertia. Newton's First Law: a body at rest tends to stay at rest, unless a force is acted upon it. And I haven't been enacting any force upon myself since I arrived in Seattle. Well, not much.

As a result, I've lost the muscle tone I'd gained by doing exercises in the apartment. I have barely blogged at all. I haven't even been doing my therapy work, and I did my therapy work in Houston even when I was at my least functional! I have disappointed myself. My confidence has ebbed even lower than when I was in Houston.

However, I've had one phone interview for a full-time job and have another scheduled for next week. (According to my friend who works there, they screen very thoroughly so they get people who will work well with the team.) I think I have a shot, as long as I can convince them I am technical enough.

I've also acquired a part-time freelance job! They contacted me out of the blue: they'd found my profile on LinkedIn, then through that found my web site, which was unfortunately unchanged since Houston and they could only access one link to my work, but they still contacted me and by the time we talked in a two-hour meeting, they had decided upon me. It pays lower than a for-profit company would pay, naturally, but the work is very meaningful, challenging, and varied. Not only can I feel good about my contribution to this organization and the work they do, but I will not be bored and I will be stretching myself. Just for your info, this organization facilitates collaborations between researchers at small to large companies and institutions with other institutions and large pharmaceutical companies to address neglected diseases in the developing worlds and poor populations the world over. These diseases are not high-ticket items in terms of money-making, so the big companies don't pursue them. But the big pharmaceutical companies who have joined this consortium are committed to providing information — even about their compounds — and expertise to other researchers in this sphere. It's amazing!

So, this week my new therapist and I addressed my inertia. She asks good questions, such as when did I live my life more like I wanted it, when was I happier, when was I more active. We went all the way back to childhood for the answers. Among the answers we found was that I need to create for my mental health. I used to write and draw and paint all the time as a child, and even in my 20s. It began to taper off in my 30s, especially as my depression worsened. I developed the thought that I needed to write toward publication, rather than simply write the stories I want to tell. After taking my Scientific Illustration courses and doing beautiful work, I seemed to feel that I could no longer just mess around with my drawing and painting like I did before, but that I had to create at that same high level, so I stopped drawing and painting at all. And I really haven't crocheted a lot since creating a very intricate and difficult doily for my Grandma (which I now have framed).

A Blog Award!

My friend Delia nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award. Thanks Delia!

I've been nominated for a couple of other awards in the past and always flaked out on doing my part, so I swore I'd do the next one that came along.

The Liebster Award requires the following (which I snagged directly from Delia's post):

1. You must tell 11 things about yourself
2. Answer the questions your nominator gives you.
3. Create 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate.
4. Choose new blogs with fewer than 200 followers and link them to your post.
5. If you're nominated, please leave a comment on this post with the URL of  your Liebster Award post.

I'm going to do what Delia did, to avoid an excessively long post, and say that number 2 fulfills the requirements for number 1, also.

Here goes, my answers to Delia's questions.

1. What is your preferred beverage?

Tea, preferably black tea with a little bit of milk. My favorite tea is Kenilworth Estate Ceylon. Why yes, I am a bit of a tea snob!

2. Are you afraid of any animals?

Um, I'm afraid of many animals. But my fear of dogs has eased and I don't go swimming in the ocean and so am not going to get bitten by a shark. So I would have to say cows. Yes, I am afraid of cows. They are very large and they don't give way if you are walking through a herd of them. They don't even seem to like to give way to cars. Plus, when I stayed at a bed & breakfast in North Wales many years ago, the owner told me how cows with calves are much more aggressive than bulls and she was chased right up to a wall by one (she herself went over the wall).

3. Would you ever go hang-gliding?

I don't think so. I like the idea, but there's nothing to prevent you from dropping like a rock if something goes wrong. At least when I went bungee jumping, I was tethered firmly to the bridge!

4. Country, city, or suburbs?

Suburbs or edge of the city. I like to have neighbors, but not right in my face.

5. What is the easiest way to make you laugh?

Act goofy or surprise me in a happy way.

6. Do you enjoy a good cry?

Not really, even though sometimes I feel better afterward.

7. Are you multi-lingual?

Nope. I know bits and pieces of German and Welsh, as well as many word roots from Latin and Greek, but am not fluent in anything but English.

8. How often do you read for pleasure?

Depends. When I am going through a major reading phase, I'll read every day, sometimes all day long. When I'm stressed like I am for my move right now, I only read maybe once a week or less often. And I generally read a lot more during the winter.

9. Can you do anything crafty (sewing, knitting, woodwork, etc.)?

I crochet fairly well. I draw and paint a little. And a friend is teaching me to knit. I did some wood carving in a class once and did very well. I think that some day I'd like to do more of that.

10. What was the worst thing you've ever tried?

That's a very open question. Do you mean an action, or a situation, or something to eat? I'll say The Zipper, a carnival ride. Almost lost my cookies on that and it wasn't fun in the least.

11. Johnny Depp or Sam Elliot?

Johnny Depp.


Wow, those were some thoughtful questions.

My 11 questions for the people I'm nominating are:

1. If you could go anywhere in the world for a long visit, say three to six months, where would you go?
2. What's your favorite kind of movie to watch?
3. If money were no object, what kind of home would you have?
4. Have you ever wanted to be in movies or on TV?
5. What is your dream job?
6. Do you prefer to wear dresses/skirts or pants?
7. What is your favorite kind of weather?
8. Do you like to work with your hands? If so, doing what?
9. Do you prefer to drive or be driven?
10. What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?
11. Do you prefer to shop at stores, through catalogs, or over the internet?

And, I'm nominating the following three people:

Lora
London Mabel
Nan

Have fun!

As for the rest of you, pick a question from the list and answer it for the fun of it.

Potential Hiatus, or End of the World

So, tomorrow I leave for my holiday trip to friends in Seattle. Yes, I can announce this on the interwebz because no one knows where I live! Well, except for those of you I sent cards to, but I'm not worried.

Because I will be visiting, I may not be blogging. In that case, there will be an approximately 9 or 10 day hiatus. If it turns out that I and any of my hosts choose to have some quiet time with our computers, I may write a post.

Then again, tomorrow is that big End of the Mayan Calendar thing that some people say is the End of the World (insert deep reverberation here). If so, the hiatus will probably be longer than 9 or 10 days but won't be my fault. No one has yet blamed me for ending the world.

I hope you all have a lovely holiday of your choice, or no holiday at all if that is your choice. I will see you again sometime after the 30th, if not sooner.

Love,

Skye

Telling Stories

So, my therapist loved the two posts and all the comments and we talked about whether or not my perspective has changed ("not yet") because of telling my story from a stronger point of view. She also loved that Lora called me on using more passive verbs ("got through") rather than more active, stronger verbs. I'm working on that.

So this form of cognitive therapy seems right for me, because I am a story teller. Telling my stories with power and strength to overcome my feelings of powerlessness and weakness seems right up my alley.

My biggest problem is just that I am so anxious I don't think to do this. I don't think to do any of the other cognitive therapy I've learned. I don't think to do anything other than to hold onto myself so I don't fly apart into bits and hold onto the ground so I don't fly off into space. Because that is how I feel most of the time anymore.

Wanted: Suggestions for Movies or Books on a Specific Topic

Specifically orphans, or children whose parents are terrible parents, so the children have to learn how to fend for themselves, trust themselves, and become adult on their own.

"Why such a specific topic?" you might be wondering. It was an idea from my therapist today. We were talking about my lack of individuation or separation from my family members the way most people do in the normal way of growing into an adult and how my people to separate from are all gone. "That's okay," said my therapist. "You'd be doing most of the work anyway." But it might have some effects. 

Then she came up with the idea of movies or books/series that might kind of serve as an inspiration and even as a guidebook for me, suggestions of how to get there from here.

So if you know of a book or series or a movie about a child in such a situation, please recommend it or them. (It has to have a happy ending, okay?)

Authentic Joy

Joy is always worth it.  – The Bloggess

Those of you who follow this blog, those who know me, you know what I've gone through in the past few years. Long unemployment, underemployment (still goes on), financial worries, and the biggest: losing Mom and having major difficulties coping with that and the grief and depression that come with that loss. I have been stuck and spend far too much time hanging out in my cluttered and chaotic apartment.

Today I read something special on the Internet and was inspired. I read about the adventures of the Traveling Red Dress over at The Bloggess's blog. Go there, read the whole story, then come back. I think it's necessary backstory.

Travel Day

I drove to Dallas today! I drove in a rental car, too, as my car is still in the body shop from my little fender bender. That's five hours on the road, including bathroom breaks and snarfing down some lunch. I haven't driven that long since I arrived in Houston just over three years ago. I arrived in Dallas with a cramp from my butt all the way down my right leg. (I arrived in Houston in good shape after five weeks on the road. No cramps.)

My fear of driving to and into Dallas has been broken!

Meeting Sierra and E and their furred and feathered kids is a treat (cats and bird, not mutants, people!). We went out to dinner, then to the mall to LEGO and to Lush, then to Cold Stone ice cream. The apartment complex is embroidered with waterways and fountains, making the complex both more attractive and more resistant to traffic noise.

Now we are all on our computers, happily pursuing various computing pleasures. I don't expect to write much right now, but Sierra and I will be writing an article about our visit for the Bettyverse later on, so keep your blog feeds peeled.

NaNoWriMo, Day 2: Even Worse!

Unfortunately, today was a very long day. I was busy with one of my jobs most of the day, then led a meeting for that one. I didn't get to my other job at all and as of 9 pm I haven't written for NaNo. Not sure yet if I will. Because after a very long meeting, I drove down the road a ways and discovered I had a completely flat tire. And I wasn't in a very good neighborhood. Thank heavens for cell phones!

Luckily, I have roadside service with my insurance coverage. So after about 45 minutes parked at a gas station, a nice man came and changed my tire. Ah!

But now I'm exhausted and my eyes are all squinty (I was on the computer all day, in a much more intense way than when I'm on it just messing around). I'm tired. I'm wired. I'm not sure if I can manage to write creatively.

But if I can, I'll report it tomorrow.

TTFN!

Word count for the day: 0.

NaNoWriMo, Day 1

I'm engaging in National Novel Writing Month. The first question I have to ask myself is this: is it counter-productive to write blog posts when I'm also trying to write 50,000 words of an incipient novel?

The second is this: can I make it all the way through this time?

And the third is this: what am I, crazy?!

This is my third or fourth attempt at NaNo. The other attempts ended within the first 7-10 days. I can write 1666 words a day, no problem. But creatively, while under pressure? Okay, the pressure is self-induced. It's not really a competition; it just feels like one. And if I don't reach 50,000 words by the end of the month, guess what? Most of the other people doing NaNo probably won't either. So there is no external pressure.

In addition, I haven't written creatively in what, a year and a half? And that was only on a novel that I'd written off and on for two years. For perhaps a decade and a half before that, my creative writing endeavors were just so much tumbleweed-strewn desert. Blog posts feel different from fiction. I know they both come out of me, but blog posts are more like conversation. Fiction, now, is work.

I'll report as I feel able throughout the month. If I can find a NaNo widget for the blog, I'll use it so you can see my running word count — LIVE! As for today, I worked for half an hour and wrote 392 words, including title and byline. It was difficult for me, that half an hour and nearly 400 words. I wanted to whip myself along to that 1666-word goal, but I decided to be good to myself instead and celebrate the fact that I wrote for half an hour on a brand new story that is just coming out of my head, no pre-plotting, no backstory other than half a dozen paragraphs of notes. So yay for me! I wrote! However many words I manage to write, I'll write, and I'll celebrate each and every one of them as bringing my creative side back to life. This, my friends, is Me coming back to life. Perhaps, even, my sanity.

Exhaustion Trumps Creativity

Today I was kept company by the demons of sore muscles and fatigue. I did get to watch two muscular young men move stuff from storage back to the house, and chat with them. I even bought groceries.

But I was brought down by extreme exhaustion (where did you come from?) and feel asleep for four hours. I figured that someone would call or text me and that would wake me up. A phone call did come in, from one of my favorite people, and I slept right through it!

Now it is late and there is no way I'm bending my mind towards a decent post. Just come back tomorrow.

That's all. Shoo!

The Estate Saga

Finally, I am near the end of my time as Executor of the Estate. It hasn't been fun and I haven't been great at it, but nothing's blown up and I made it through alive. (I was going to say "no one died" but that isn't quite accurate.)

I've got many tasks to accomplish in less than two weeks and I'm hoping for help that may not manifest for my hardest task. I thought to myself, what else can I do to make my life easier? That thought ran away as fast as it could, so I then decided I should blog about these next two weeks. Because it will all be so fun!

I flew into Portland Airport on Wednesday at about 11 am, but had to wait until 2 for the shuttle to the coast. A friend picked me up and took me to the store so I could buy some basic groceries, then brought me home. I ate ice cream for dinner; it just seemed the thing to do.

Thursday almost killed me: I spent the day and much of the night fearing and feeling as if I was going to barf. I stayed very still on the couch and I slept as much as I could. I did manage to get up long enough to see my realtor and sign a couple of things and talk. She rocks. She even volunteered to be "my place to stay" so I'm not losing the beach after all. 

My friend Sierra spent a few hours texting me amusing thoughts and pictures, and sent me a truly bad joke, just to amuse me and make me feel better. Sierra rocks, too.

Now it's Friday. I don't feel like barfing, but I'm being careful, which means I've accomplished nothing on my planned tasks. Nor did I walk on the beach. But I haven't moved backwards, so that's something. And the appraiser came by: they had better say that not only is this house worth what the buyers are paying for it but that they are getting a damned good deal! (Click through to see the interior shots, especially the living room and kitchen!)

As much as I hate giving up this house, both as my mom's home for 20 years and as my place to stay at the beach, I realized that I really couldn't live here on my own or keep it comfortably. It's my mom's home. Well, even tho' her second husband shared this home with her for more than half of that time, she re-did it after he died and it really is her house. I don't think I could ever make it my house, and it isn't exactly the house I'd buy if I were just out here picking out my own place. So it is okay that someone else will own it.

I also need to get over my anger and resentment over having to split the estate equally with the Steps. Here's why I'm angry and resentful: nothing in this house came from their father. When he and my mom got married, he had virtually nothing. My mom had a nice house and nice furniture that she bought with my dad. Second husband retired a year or two after marrying Mom and pretty much brought nothing money-wise to the marriage. Proceeds of the house my mom and dad bought allowed Mom and Second Husband to buy this house outright. And yet my mom, from some misguided feelings of being "fair," left equal shares of this house and its furnishings to her second husband's two daughters. And while they have both said a few times "let me know how I can help," they were empty offers because we all live in separate states and they weren't around or able to help me at all. Once the shares are distributed, they will add to the lives or retirements of the Steps, who have homes and jobs. My share will keep me from having to live in my car. In trying to be whatever her mind was thinking of as "fair," my mom practically left me hanging out to dry and was exceptionally unfair to her own daughter. Yeah, I really need to get over it. I just haven't figured out how yet.

I do love this house for many reasons, but not for the design or layout — it is pretty dark inside and completely misses most opportunities to bring light into the interior. (It truly is beautiful, it's just not my style.) I would happily take the kitchen and dining nook and place it into any house I ever live in again. It's within four or five blocks from the bluff overlooking the beach and out onto the ocean — with a several-story set of stairs down to the beach. And it's within walking distance of a grocery store and the main downtown strip, including my bank.

I'll continue the story of my love-hate affair with Lincoln City in another post. 

It's Friday night, and I'm signing off for the day.

Thinking — Not Always A Good Thing

I've been thinking, a very dangerous activity for me. When I think, small thoughts grow into bigger thoughts, which often grow into grandiose ideas and fabulous plans.

I think I'm currently at medium thoughts.

I've been thinking about what I want to write about. I have this blog. I have a professional blog that I started then stopped. I may or may not theoretically have other blogs in existence or in stand-by, if at all. But what should I do with my blogs? With my professional blog, I want to share my ideas about my profession. I want to make it a useful blog for myself and others. I want to share and grow and stretch.

For this blog, I want to explore my ideas instead of just writing them down. I want to put real thought and effort behind each post. So I've been creating a list of things to write about. I'm color-coding them so I know which blog they belong to (as if the topic isn't sufficient — I just like to color-code things).

I think that in this one I want to return to exploring the mental landscape that is in my head, which includes things I want to include in my life, things I'm just thinking about, etc. But things that are important, rather than just "I like cheese."

Two things I can think of to start with are the concept and practice of Simplicity, and the concept and Practice of Scientific Pantheism. The two of them complement each other quite well. I'm not sure if it would be better to alternate them, to cover one to the best of my ability before going on to the next, or just be random.

I'd rather not be random. I could, possibly, interweave them. Say I'm writing about Simplicity and something I say reminds me about something in SP. Well, I could cover that the next day. Does that make sense?

Well, I'm still cogitating. I know I'll come up with something interesting. But I do plan to start with Simplicity. Both my life and my mind could use a lot of it. And I may throw in some Stoic Philosophy and my own brand of Zen Buddhism (my own, barely informed, brand). I can see myself expounding upon the life and being that is Skye. That's just a warning. Just in case.

Post of some delicacy

So, back when I started all this, I began with a rather interesting little story of an event involving my mom, me, and a brown paper package from Babeland. Go check it out before you go any further so you will know what I am talking about.

I thought the story was hilarious. At least one other person did, also. My other readers/friends, not so much. It's rather adult, as well.

The thing is, I have a different readership now. Mostly. (There are a few others from before.)

So this post is a poll of sorts: do I repost the story for your entertainment, or should I not bother? Those who've seen it may chime in, especially as you have seen it and can comment on whether or not it's funny. It's not like I have an objective opinion on it or anything.

Besides, as Julie over in JulieLand and I have been discussing recently, I definitely have an askew take on the world. One that often leaves other people, friends included, shaking their head at me.

So what do we say, readers? Post or no post?

ps: Folks over at Lucy's are Betties. Folks at Jenny's are now Arghers. Readers of Julie's blog are JulieLanders. Should I call my admittedly few readers anything at all?  :)  Do let me know that as well.

Wanting to write

Hello all who visit, all 3 of you.

I have wanted to write, I think of writing often, but too often what is in my head lately is sad, dark, and dreary, and y'all don't need to  get it into your head. (Yes, Steve, I said "y'all. Deal with it.)

But, I do want you folks to know I've been thinking of you and of my blog.

Part of the reason I often hesitate to blog is that whole "potential employers looking for evidence of you online" thing. I mean, suppose I post something like being in therapy? If a potential employer found me,  they might think, "Gee, potentially crazy here, better not hire her."

Paranoid? Moi? Yup. And there are enough clues on this site that, even without my last name or pic, I'm findable.

So what do you readers think? Is it worth being quiet just on the off chance an employer decides to look for me? What do or would you do? If you are an employer, what would you do?

That's it for today. Oh, except that I found a therapist here in town. I like her a lot and even with just an introductory session have received an entirely new perspective on things. This is going to be difficult, but very, very good I think.

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

Today I am following the lead of ... copying, perhaps ... an author named Lani Diane Rich. She began a blog series under her Lucy March name to document her life and personal changes over the next 516 days, which is when she hits her 40th birthday.

In 1 year and 2 weeks, I will be 50. That is 54 weeks. Three hundred seventy-eight days. Wow. There is a lot I want to do with myself and my life by then. Some very real changes I want to make. And I want to blog about what I do and the changes I make, to share with my friends and family, most of whom are far away, to give myself regular writing practice that stretches both my skills and my creativity, and to give myself a record of all these things. These are the goals I originally set for this blog.