I've got many tasks to accomplish in less than two weeks and I'm hoping for help that may not manifest for my hardest task. I thought to myself, what else can I do to make my life easier? That thought ran away as fast as it could, so I then decided I should blog about these next two weeks. Because it will all be so fun!
I flew into Portland Airport on Wednesday at about 11 am, but had to wait until 2 for the shuttle to the coast. A friend picked me up and took me to the store so I could buy some basic groceries, then brought me home. I ate ice cream for dinner; it just seemed the thing to do.
Thursday almost killed me: I spent the day and much of the night fearing and feeling as if I was going to barf. I stayed very still on the couch and I slept as much as I could. I did manage to get up long enough to see my realtor and sign a couple of things and talk. She rocks. She even volunteered to be "my place to stay" so I'm not losing the beach after all.
My friend Sierra spent a few hours texting me amusing thoughts and pictures, and sent me a truly bad joke, just to amuse me and make me feel better. Sierra rocks, too.
Now it's Friday. I don't feel like barfing, but I'm being careful, which means I've accomplished nothing on my planned tasks. Nor did I walk on the beach. But I haven't moved backwards, so that's something. And the appraiser came by: they had better say that not only is this house worth what the buyers are paying for it but that they are getting a damned good deal! (Click through to see the interior shots, especially the living room and kitchen!)
As much as I hate giving up this house, both as my mom's home for 20 years and as my place to stay at the beach, I realized that I really couldn't live here on my own or keep it comfortably. It's my mom's home. Well, even tho' her second husband shared this home with her for more than half of that time, she re-did it after he died and it really is her house. I don't think I could ever make it my house, and it isn't exactly the house I'd buy if I were just out here picking out my own place. So it is okay that someone else will own it.
I also need to get over my anger and resentment over having to split the estate equally with the Steps. Here's why I'm angry and resentful: nothing in this house came from their father. When he and my mom got married, he had virtually nothing. My mom had a nice house and nice furniture that she bought with my dad. Second husband retired a year or two after marrying Mom and pretty much brought nothing money-wise to the marriage. Proceeds of the house my mom and dad bought allowed Mom and Second Husband to buy this house outright. And yet my mom, from some misguided feelings of being "fair," left equal shares of this house and its furnishings to her second husband's two daughters. And while they have both said a few times "let me know how I can help," they were empty offers because we all live in separate states and they weren't around or able to help me at all. Once the shares are distributed, they will add to the lives or retirements of the Steps, who have homes and jobs. My share will keep me from having to live in my car. In trying to be whatever her mind was thinking of as "fair," my mom practically left me hanging out to dry and was exceptionally unfair to her own daughter. Yeah, I really need to get over it. I just haven't figured out how yet.
I'll continue the story of my love-hate affair with Lincoln City in another post.
It's Friday night, and I'm signing off for the day.
I'm not sure you DO need to get over that anger right now. She was very misguided in her attempt at fairness and it hurts you (on many levels). I'd be mad as hell. (Am for you, in fact. Even though I kinda know that she realized her mistake AFTER she'd done it, but that's whole 'other thing.)
ReplyDeleteYou have come a long damn way, and are making tons of progress just BEING there. Stay strong, you CAN do this, and do it WELL.
Julie
I had wondered who was benefiting from the house, but didn't like to ask. That is mucho frustrating indeed! <- There. I'll just end on the empathy note for once. I'll even make angry faces:
ReplyDelete>:-(
X-(
Frustrating, yes. And lots to do. I haven't any wisdom about how to overcome it--dangit.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm available Monday to help. I can fetch and carry and bring laughter and music to the mix.
The step-family thing is tricky. I get where your mom was coming from, but I think you have every right to be angry. And I don't think, in the middle of this very difficult process, you need to think about how to get over it. Look how far you've come! You'll get to where you need to be when you need to be there.
ReplyDeleteHugs and love from the east coast-
Thanks, folks.
ReplyDeleteTo add a bit more context: I was 22 when Mom remarried. He was a lot older than her, so his daughters are between me and Mom in age. They were grown with children with our parents married. So this is not one of those "splitting between the children" situations.
@Glynis - I've sent you an email. Yay!
It always pisses me off that my mother would give more to her 'more needy' children. Those of us who were emotionally stable were (presumably) better able to cope.
ReplyDeleteOvercompensating so as not to seem unfair /is/ unfair. Argh. It doesn't make sense, but it does seem typical Mom behavior.
Which is not to say that if I'd had children,I wouldn't have messed up in some other way.
The pictures of your house do look beautiful. How long are you going to be in town?
@The Merry: I'm here til the 24th. If you don't have my contact info, email me from my profile page or ask Julie. You might need a couple of days at the beach!
ReplyDeleteWEBS. I'd be angry too, although I think eventually you'll have to say, "She did the best she could, even though that wasn't good enough," and let it go. [That's pretty much how I deal with how my parents raised me :-)]
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse--I have a friend whose mother stole her entire inheritance from her grandmother (the mother's mother) and built herself a big fancy kitchen with it. My friend eventually forgave her, but I still have hard time with it...
Hang in there kid--I'm impressed by how well you're doing (nausea day aside). FGBVs!
Oh, honey, that sucks.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's totally permissable to be pissed at someone who's dead. From everything you've said about her, your mom was an amazing and lovable woman. That being said, I blow a raspberry in her direction over this nonsense.
Ugh.
Wishing you braveness and a coming time of ease after all this adversity! (yes I know the word is bravery I don't care lol)