Stuck to Unstuck? My New Journey

Oh, how badly I've been stuck. I've been exhausted. My brain has felt clogged and slow. I've taken naps for hours almost every day. I have done virtually nothing to further my plans or contribute to the household. I have been a lump since arriving in Seattle.

Luckily for me, my hosts have been very understanding of my exhaustion and have asked little of me so far. Friends have supported my need for sleep and rest. It's just been me who has had higher expectations.

I have a comprehensive list of things I need to do: catch up with people online and over the phone; contact professional connections; get in touch with local contracting agencies; join professional organizations and meetups and attend meetings and events; unpack what I brought to the house; and begin revising my novel.

I don't expect myself to do everything every day or all at once. I have date ranges for everything in my list. Of course, I'm behind on probably half the list so far. But maybe that's due to my unreasonable expectations in the face of unexpected setbacks. Like needing to sleep all the time.

I have a long history of overindulging myself. In response to what seemed to me a lifetime of excessive and unreasonable expectations and a lack of understanding of my needs, I began to allow myself to slack off on things, which started small and gradually grew to encompass everything in my life.

Well, I've completely changed my life again and this, too, must change. There are things I want to do and things I need to do and blowing them off is not acceptable to me any longer. Blowing off these things does not lead to the life I want to live. And that's the important point: there is a life I want to live and I have to put in the time and effort to create it. Always before, I've waited for it to happen. No more.

When I was younger, I pursued my life more actively, so I know I can do it. There are many things I did and was when I was younger: I cleaned frequently and regularly; I wrote and drew and painted on virtually a daily basis; I did physical activities that I enjoyed; and I didn't dwell on my mostly solitary state. And I daydreamed. I played. I imagined. Those are important things in anybody's life, but particularly in the life of a creative person.

So I'm going to relearn old good habits and discard current bad ones. I'm going to be healthier in ways that I can enjoy. I'm going to rediscover my true self and let her out of the various boxes and closets where I've hidden her and all her wonderful, brilliant aspects. I'm going to love for love's sake, I'm going to love and value myself, and I'm going to live a full and rich life for as long as I possibly can.

Slow Maelstrom

That silence you've heard for the past week and a half was me resting, sleeping, and surfing on the interwebz. You might have heard some snoring, too, from the sleeping. My mind has kind of been like that empty, static-filled screen you see in the middle of the night on some TV channels.

So I'm here, in the Seattle area, and it's kind of weird. I still feel like I'm visiting, even though I oversaw the movers when they put all my stuff in a storage unit. Part of that is because I'm staying in someone's guest room, I'm sure, and some of it is because those times when I have been here over the last dozen years I have been visiting. I need to change my mental framework.

I'm very glad I'm here. I'm also kind of weirded out by it. Many thoughts and feelings have been swirling around inside of me: happiness, exhaustion, stress, anxiety, surrealism, expectations, trying to not have expectations, positivity, fear, and today I'm having some fibromyalgia pain, which I think is partly a delayed reaction from all the stress I was experiencing just getting ready to move. Everything has been swirling slowly, probably due to the exhaustion, for which I am grateful. I couldn't handle vertigo too right now!

The weather has been quite a bit cooler than I am used to. Colder, really — in the 50s during the day. We had a lot of rain and gray days my first week, but we've been having some simply glorious days recently, with brilliant blue skies, puffy white clouds, spring greens, flowers and flowering trees in all colors. These are the days that almost make you forget about the rain and the gray.

I remember when I first moved to Houston: one of the habits I had to wean myself off from was always taking or wearing a jacket or at least an overshirt with me when I left the apartment. Well, I changed that habit and got very comfortable going outside in just a tank, shorts, and sandals. Now I'm in the position of having to reverse the process! I'm underestimating how much I need to wear to be warm enough, usually by a thin layer (think an undershirt or camisole). And I don't always bring a rain jacket when it looks like rain (which is often). I need more weather-appropriate shoes and probably another jacket or vest or two. My BFF says I can borrow his sweaters until I can buy more of my own, which is nice. I really need an income so I can buy these weather-appropriate clothing items. I'm just hoping that I can make enough of my Houston wardrobe work here in Seattle enough of the time so I don't have to buy an entirely new wardrobe, which is more or less what I did in Houston.

Day 6 (delayed): Arrival! Sigh!

This is just going to be a short post. I'll catch up with my next post. Enough to say that we arrived safely last night after what I consider a crazy-ass fast drive through the rain and the dark. I still have a cramp in my hand from holding onto the door handle ....  :)

I slept until almost 11 this morning, I was that tired. I have to do a few things today, but mostly I'm going to spend the next week or so just lazing around and getting rested. And getting pictures ready for the blog, of course.

That's it for now. I'll update later.

Days 5 and 6: Almost There!

Tonight I am so tired I hurt. I also hurt from being in the car so much. I think my fibromyalgia is playing into both the tired and the hurt.

So I'm not going to write much. 

Yesterday we spent most of the day in Joshua Tree National Park and so didn't get as far as planned. However, tonight we are halfway from last night's hotel to Seattle, so that's good. We've had to put in a little extra time driving, as we will tomorrow, but it will be worth it. I have no idea yet how my pictures from Joshua Tree turned out, but I will share them in the pictures blog post.

Tonight we are in Yreka, CA. For those who don't know, it is pronounced "why-reek-uh". Possibly because there is also a Eureka, CA. We encountered a fair amount of rain and clouds today and tonight we are at almost 3000 feet above sea level and it's in the mid-50s. Brrr! Tomorrow I will be wearing the warmer clothing I packed. No more shorts or thin tee shirts for me for a while!

My body doesn't travel well and it gets all discombobulated. I'm down to eating yogurt for dinner because that's all that sounds good. I felt lucky that there was a crockpot full of oatmeal at breakfast this morning. I felt rather queasy much of today. But I'm feeling better tonight. I am currently in bed with the computer on my legs. I'm going to post this and then probably go to sleep very early.

I am glad we are almost done. I am also extremely grateful that Steve flew down and has been helping me drive my car to Seattle, even if we have wanted to push each other out of the moving car from time to time. I've probably gotten some good pictures here and there and it's been cool seeing things that I haven't seen before, or haven't seen in four years. I'm excited about getting back to Seattle, and I'm looking forward to seeing my "family members". I'm also looking forward to a good and stable internet connection and sharing with y'all pictures from my trip.

Talk to you again soon!

Days 3 and 4: Still Alive — Both of Us!

When last we left our intrepid heroes, they were contemplating doing away with one another. I'm happy to say that hasn't happened. Yet. But it's still on the table.

The first part of yesterday (Monday, Day 3) we spent in the Las Cruces area, in Old Town Mesilla. The buildings, even many of the residences, are either original or reproduction adobe-style, and the center of town has a village square with a Catholic church on one side and shops and restaurants along the other sides and down the side streets.

One thing I've regretted since I drove through New Mexico on my way eastward four years ago was that I didn't buy any turquoise jewelry, particularly that made by locals and nearby Native Americans. So this time I bought a turquoise and silver pendant and a silver chain.

I couldn't believe how much time we spent just walking around the square looking at the shops and occasionally talking to shopkeepers! We had lunch next to the square at an outside cafe and we didn't get back to the room until around 3:30. I was hoping for a nap yesterday, but instead I got kitted out and went to the White Sands National Monument with Steve. He was hoping for some good late-afternoon and early-evening photos of the dunes. (He hasn't looked at them yet to see how he did, so I can't tell you yet.)

I took photos, too, but when the sun was getting low over the mountains and we were walking up the ridge of a dune, I'd had enough. Not only was the ridgeline of the dune triggering my edge phobia, I don't have very good night or dim-light vision, so I knew I'd better get back to the car. So I walked back out to the car and waited until Steve returned from taking sunset photos. Then we drove back to Las Cruces, stopped and picked up some things from a store, and by the time we got to our room it was late (again) and we were exhausted (again). So I didn't even write anything for the blog.

Today (Tuesday, Day 4) bloomed brightly and even though we tried, we still didn't get out of town until 10:30 am. Then we drove onward across New Mexico and Arizona.

We'd planned to stay at a nicer place in Blythe, California, tonight. Unfortunately, we are staying in a not as nice place just outside Blythe, still in Arizona, for two reasons. The first reason is that the Blythe Best Western was booked by the time I got around to making reservations. The second reason is the way this spring-time promotion of BW's is handled. The promotion states: stay three separate times and get one night free! I figured that meant that, since we've stayed at BW hotels three different times before today, that tonight's stay would be free.

Doesn't work that way. You stay three different times during the specified period. Then, a week or two later, you get a coupon in email that is good through June 30. I call shenanigans! The likelihood of my going on another trip before the end of June is low; I imagine it would be for most people who had managed three different stays during the spring! Stoopid corporations!

Today we mostly drove, stopped at rest areas to take walks, and stopped to eat. We did stop at one rest area so Steve could take pictures. The area is called Texas Canyon (it's in New Mexico) and the geological formations are fantastic! The rock is split horizontally and vertically, and sometimes diagonally, and it's all rounded on the edges. I don't know what caused such formations, but they were wonderful to see. When I eventually get some pictures put up, I'll include one of those, too.

By the time we got to Tucson, it was HOT. The weather app on Steve's phone said it was only 76, but I'd say high 80s or even 90.

By the time we got to Phoenix, it was rush hour. We made it through alive.

It was around 7:30 when we arrived at the hotel. The first room we had didn't have a working fridge, and we use our fridges to refreeze the blue ice and to keep other things cold. So they changed us to a different room. The fridge works, and it has a truly separate freezer compartment. The rest of the room is not so good, but we are here and checked in and tired. Steve has problems logging in to the wifi at the BW hotels, so he's informed me that we are staying at a different brand of place tomorrow. I pointed out that for what I'm willing to pay, we aren't going to get great internet access no matter what, but we'll see. He and I are kind of not talking tonight. We'll see how that goes tomorrow, too.

I really want to get more rest, but that isn't possible given our travel needs. So I will rest when we get back to the Seattle area. I may sleep for the entire following week. But that would be just fine with me!

I will get pictures for y'all as soon as I can, but it's possible that won't be until after the trip. If that's the case, I'll just do a couple of posts that are predominantly photos! That should be fun.

So, hoping tomorrow is a good day for us all, I am signing off now. Good night!

Day 2: Long, Hot, and Sweaty

And not in the good way!

We covered West Texas and landed in Las Cruces, New Mexico, tonight, a little after eight o'clock. We'd have been here sooner, but my alarm was set for weekdays only and we didn't actually wake up until almost ten! Luckily for us, check-out was noon!

Thunderstorms were forecast in the Kerrville area and westward and we ran into a doozy! I slowed down from 70 to 55 and had the wipers working overtime. Hailstones were coming down with the torrential rain, and for a few minutes, lightning was cracking every few seconds. Some people actually pulled to the side of the road to wait it out, something I considered doing. Steve called me a wimp. But we survived.

The geology along the first part of the trip was very cool: the highway had simply been cut through the hills, so the layering was completely visible. You could see the horizontal layers left from when Texas was an inland sea, and the occasional areas that had been compressed such that their layers were zigzags, or that had been uplifted such that their layers were more diagonal than horizontal. 

It was hot out and we are not yet using the AC, preferring to have the windows open some instead. Don't know why, because we end up getting overly warm and a bit sweaty. But it uses less gas to drive with the windows open than it does to drive with the AC on: the MythBusters proved it! And when driving at 70-75 most of the time, the gas mileage isn't what it could be. I can't complain really — I'm getting in the high 20s for mpg.

The sunset as we drove through El Paso was gorgeous in reds and pinks. There were several contrails that reflected the setting sun rather spectacularly, almost like fireworks threading through the sky. Unfortunately, the traffic through El Paso was less than gorgeous. Even worse, as we drove north of that city, we passed what must have been stockyards and the stench was unbelievable. Quite the contrast with the brilliant red sunset!

I decided I wanted to stay in the same hotel that I stayed in the last time I was here: a little over four years ago. So I made reservations over the phone while Steve drove. I'm running into higher prices everywhere, but I guess that is just to be expected four years later. But it boosts the cost of the trip back a bit. Just a few moments ago a train passed by. It blew it's horn. A few times. I do not remember that, and I would have remembered being woken by the loud blast of a train's klaxon. I hope we don't get trains like that all night.

The room is every bit as charming as I remember. The hotel is the Mission Inn and everything is done in Spanish Mission style. Behind the beds runs a deep shelf; the top is tiled in cobalt blue tiles. The white ceiling is punctuated by dark wooden beams and the furniture is all a heavy, somewhat rustic wood. 

Today my traveling companion and I fell back into old ways a bit. His idea of fun is to irk me until I almost blow a blood vessel. I react. I know that it spoils his fun if I don't react, or don't react in the way he wants me to, so I'll have to try harder at doing so. Unfortunately, like the boys on the playground in my childhood, ignoring him only makes him try harder. I told him at dinner that if I didn't need him for the drive home, I'd give serious consideration to smothering him in his sleep. This is only Day 2, people. Day 2 of what will probably be seven days, due to a couple of stops we want to make (such as spend tomorrow here so we can go to White Sands). And then I am going to live in the same house as this guy and his much more civilized companion. Cross your fingers that a) we both survive this trip, and b) I find a really fabulous job very quickly.  :)

Well, I am exhausted. I'll post this tomorrow, when I feel like playing with photos and all that. Thanks for the good wishes and I'll talk to you again soon!

***Late addition: Didn't have time to do photos today, or even post until this evening. So now I'm a day late. Crap. Oh well, I'll catch up as I can!