Stuck to Unstuck? My New Journey

Oh, how badly I've been stuck. I've been exhausted. My brain has felt clogged and slow. I've taken naps for hours almost every day. I have done virtually nothing to further my plans or contribute to the household. I have been a lump since arriving in Seattle.

Luckily for me, my hosts have been very understanding of my exhaustion and have asked little of me so far. Friends have supported my need for sleep and rest. It's just been me who has had higher expectations.

I have a comprehensive list of things I need to do: catch up with people online and over the phone; contact professional connections; get in touch with local contracting agencies; join professional organizations and meetups and attend meetings and events; unpack what I brought to the house; and begin revising my novel.

I don't expect myself to do everything every day or all at once. I have date ranges for everything in my list. Of course, I'm behind on probably half the list so far. But maybe that's due to my unreasonable expectations in the face of unexpected setbacks. Like needing to sleep all the time.

I have a long history of overindulging myself. In response to what seemed to me a lifetime of excessive and unreasonable expectations and a lack of understanding of my needs, I began to allow myself to slack off on things, which started small and gradually grew to encompass everything in my life.

Well, I've completely changed my life again and this, too, must change. There are things I want to do and things I need to do and blowing them off is not acceptable to me any longer. Blowing off these things does not lead to the life I want to live. And that's the important point: there is a life I want to live and I have to put in the time and effort to create it. Always before, I've waited for it to happen. No more.

When I was younger, I pursued my life more actively, so I know I can do it. There are many things I did and was when I was younger: I cleaned frequently and regularly; I wrote and drew and painted on virtually a daily basis; I did physical activities that I enjoyed; and I didn't dwell on my mostly solitary state. And I daydreamed. I played. I imagined. Those are important things in anybody's life, but particularly in the life of a creative person.

So I'm going to relearn old good habits and discard current bad ones. I'm going to be healthier in ways that I can enjoy. I'm going to rediscover my true self and let her out of the various boxes and closets where I've hidden her and all her wonderful, brilliant aspects. I'm going to love for love's sake, I'm going to love and value myself, and I'm going to live a full and rich life for as long as I possibly can.


This is why I changed my life. This is why I uprooted myself again. This is why I am again living in a beautiful, challenging environment, surrounded by people who like me and love me. There's a woman here who, when I made my big discard and move in 2008, told me I was Superman, and she still feels that way. That's incredible, that someone who is smart and has a full life of her own feels that way about me. So many people have told me how courageous I am for making the changes I've made — they can't all be wrong! So I'm going to accept it all and incorporate it into Skye 2.0. This is who I want to be. This is who I am.

And when I get scared or stuck or timid or anxious, feel free to remind me about what I've said in this post. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will I or my new life be. But each day I can add new stones and trees and columns and flying buttresses, to mangle and mix my metaphors. I'm going to accept that there will be the occasional setback or fallback. But I changed my life in the two years after my mother died and I returned to Houston. I believe that I can do even more in less time now.

So let's just see. I welcome you on my journey.