Victim Thinking

One of my more persistent issues is that of victim thinking. When  that is the way I am thinking, I feel powerless and hopeless. For example, when I feel tired, I generally don't do anything, feeling "too tired to do anything" and like my only option is to give up and do nothing. Or when I am approaching a problem or a project in a certain way and it's not working for me, I feel like I have no other options. Victim thinking makes me feel like I have no choices.

My therapist can basically tell when I'm caught in victim thinking just by my body posture and my voice. (Yeah, not going to take up professional poker any time soon.) Then we talk about how there are other ways to approach a situation differently, that I do have choices and options other than what I feel stuck with. That's powerful, active thinking. It's definitely the kind of thinking that uses the cognitive therapy techniques I've been working on.

The problem is that I've engaged in victim thinking for such a long time that it tends to be my default way of thinking and I still too-easily forget my cognitive techniques. One reason why I still need a therapist: to help me remember to use these techniques and to detect when I am engaged in victim thinking.

I've been caught up in victim thinking for a while since I've been in Seattle. I've grown more and more tired and sleepy since arriving here, so I sleep and don't accomplish the things on my to-do list. I haven't started looking for work and I've been here for a month and a half! I've been feeling unwell off and on and my fibromyalgia has flared up. So I've been thinking things like "I'm too tired to start an online job search right now; I'll take a nap first" and "I don't feel well enough to take a walk" and "My body hurts; I'll unpack later." So I haven't unpacked or started job searches or taken many walks. Then I feel stuck and tired and overwhelmed and ashamed, which thoughts just tend to spiral in on themselves.

I do have moments of powerful thinking. I wrote about them in my last post. I know what to do, what I need to do, what I want to do. But I let my old pattern of victim thinking and non-activity rule me, thus I don't do these things. This is not how to create the life I want. This is not how to be happy and contented.

I need to continually remind myself to check in on my thinking and self-talk. To do this, I need to have an easy way to remind myself. Wearing a rubber band on my wrist has worked in the past; I don't even need to snap it to encourage behavior/thinking modification. Just wearing it works. But I'm not sure where the ones I had back in Houston are right now. Of course, if I unpacked a few things, I might find them. Or I could ask my housemates if they have any large, wide rubber bands (I like them to be a little bit loose). *grin*


I am often inspired by the ways that a couple of my friends are changing their lives and their thinking. Julie writes about using guided visualization CDs and affirmations. Mary tends to use a more cognitive approach to dealing with food addiction and eating changes. Both of them are making major changes and handling setbacks better and better all the time. I want to do as well as they are.

I do need to stop for a moment and remember what progress I have made in the past couple of years, especially since last summer. I am much more functional than I was. I am more self-aware and more capable of using cognitive therapy techniques. I know what I need to do, most of the time. So yes, I have done well.

But I cannot rest on my laurels. I have a lot more work to do and I have some very specific things I need to do right now (such as find a job). I have been to a doctor due to the extreme tiredness and sleepiness and she agrees with my friends who think they are due to my medications. So I am tapering down on one of my medications. After four weeks, we will see how I'm doing and decide whether to do tests (if I'm not doing better) or taper me down further (if I am doing better). I accomplished this and have accomplished some other things here and there.

I will find some reminder to keep with me, even if I have to stick a post-it to myself. Remembering will keep me more focused and more aware and less likely to get stuck in victim thinking.

Yes, I have been a victim of a variety of things in my life, powerless to help myself or to change things. But I'm not there anymore and I'm no longer a victim. Even when I am in a situation I cannot change again, I know I can at least choose how I deal with it, which is active and powerful. I've given up being a victim. It's time to give up the victim thinking. I think that's the next step in creating the life I want to live. Here goes!