Solstice Epiphanies

Last night Griffin and I talked about the sleep problem I’ve had for some time. Basically, I average 4.5 to 5 hours of sleep a night. Not only is it bad for me in general, it’s particularly bad for the fibro. Unfortunately, this is a habit I settled into after Mom died, or maybe just after I returned to Houston. I had developed the habit previously off and on over a few years prior to that, but never quite as extreme as this and not for as long an ongoing period.

Griffin suggested I keep a diary. He suggested I note when I go to bed, what time I wake during the night, what time I return to trying to sleep, and my feelings at the time — I think he meant my feelings as I try to return to sleep, but I think I should do so when I first get ready to go to sleep, and maybe when I first wake, if appropriate. To this list I’m adding a) what plans I have for the next day and what time those plans are for, and b) any events of note that occurred during the day, especially the evening.

I went to bed at midnight. I woke at after 6 a.m. to go pee. Then I sat in bed and journaled, and the rest of this post came from that journal entry. I made some important realizations and am going to write up the appropriate ones into thank-you cards for Griffin and Sabine, each. The following is the majority of the entry, edited for clarity.

***

6:20 a.m.  12-21-13  YULE! SOLSTICE!

Realized earlier that I didn’t do much for a long time [after I moved to Seattle] because I was healing. I’d wanted to just be cared for during all those months and years after Mom’s death — was so tired and drained and hurting and scared for all that time. So I got here and [Griffin and Sabine] took care of me. I may have needed care for longer than we all expected, but I am finally coming out of this mental and emotional space and doing chores around the house. Griffin being temporarily less able spurred me.

I am feeling more healed, I realized. Something that was clenched inside of me has loosened. I still have a lot to work on, but maybe I am now better able to not only work more effectively but recognize my progress.

Days 5 and 6: Almost There!

Tonight I am so tired I hurt. I also hurt from being in the car so much. I think my fibromyalgia is playing into both the tired and the hurt.

So I'm not going to write much. 

Yesterday we spent most of the day in Joshua Tree National Park and so didn't get as far as planned. However, tonight we are halfway from last night's hotel to Seattle, so that's good. We've had to put in a little extra time driving, as we will tomorrow, but it will be worth it. I have no idea yet how my pictures from Joshua Tree turned out, but I will share them in the pictures blog post.

Tonight we are in Yreka, CA. For those who don't know, it is pronounced "why-reek-uh". Possibly because there is also a Eureka, CA. We encountered a fair amount of rain and clouds today and tonight we are at almost 3000 feet above sea level and it's in the mid-50s. Brrr! Tomorrow I will be wearing the warmer clothing I packed. No more shorts or thin tee shirts for me for a while!

My body doesn't travel well and it gets all discombobulated. I'm down to eating yogurt for dinner because that's all that sounds good. I felt lucky that there was a crockpot full of oatmeal at breakfast this morning. I felt rather queasy much of today. But I'm feeling better tonight. I am currently in bed with the computer on my legs. I'm going to post this and then probably go to sleep very early.

I am glad we are almost done. I am also extremely grateful that Steve flew down and has been helping me drive my car to Seattle, even if we have wanted to push each other out of the moving car from time to time. I've probably gotten some good pictures here and there and it's been cool seeing things that I haven't seen before, or haven't seen in four years. I'm excited about getting back to Seattle, and I'm looking forward to seeing my "family members". I'm also looking forward to a good and stable internet connection and sharing with y'all pictures from my trip.

Talk to you again soon!

Transforming Fear Into Excitement

Do you remember the series I wrote back in November, "Memories of Mom"? My friend Judy, Judy, Judy recommended I write those happy memories as an antidote to the sadness that was threatening to overtake me.

On Monday, my therapist recommended I do something similar to transform the fears and anxieties I've been feeling about moving to Seattle into the excitement that also exists. You see, I was telling her about things I missed about Seattle, things I was looking forward to, and how in the last few years that I lived there, my enjoyment of living there turned into stress, and how I didn't want that to be the case this time. She said that my telling her about the positive things transformed me as I told them and that I should write a series of posts about them. So here goes.

I'm moving at the end of March. In April, the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival takes place in a set of towns about an hour north of Seattle. I love tulips and it's too hot in Houston to grow them. Sure, you can buy a pot of them and water them and enjoy them for a little while, but it doesn't get cold enough for the bulbs over the fall and winter. I've missed them.

The Tulip Festival is wondrous! Fields and fields of daffodils and tulips of all colors as far as you can see. And my favorite place of all is the Roozen Gaarde, which is landscaped with every tulip imaginable, and many that aren't. There are so many types of tulips, from the basic tulip we are all familiar with to tulips with fringed petals and coming in all shades of the rainbow.

My girlfriends and I used to go to the Tulip Festival when we could. One year we went, it rained and we took pictures of us looking very downcast in the rain, our arms filled with tulips. Another year, I was going with just one of my friends and her two young children, until her youngest barfed in the backseat all over everything, including her older brother. We went back home and I went by myself that year. But no matter whether I went alone or with one or two friends, I loved it, loved browsing through the fields and the shops and taking pictures. After we looked at the tulips, we usually wandered over to La Conner to have lunch and look at the shops. They had a most wonderful yarn shop there: I hope it's still in business!

This year, I will be there for the Festival and my girlfriends and I have already made plans to go. I'm very excited about this and plan to plaster my blog with pictures of tulips for your pleasure. If you ever get the chance to be in the Seattle area in April, you should definitely make time to visit the Tulip Festival.

Wow, I can feel the excitement bubbling inside of me and there's a big smile on my face. Yup, I do believe that writing this series is going to have a very positive effect on me and my upcoming move. I hope you enjoy it too!