Self-Discipline, But Not the Fun Kind

You know how I mentioned that I need to become more active, get more exercise, and engage in the behavioral change part of cognitive-behavioral therapy? Well, this is me committing to these things and letting you all know you can call me to be accountable for these commitments.

I blame my therapist, but maybe I should blame my friend Deb. Both of them suggested using a reward system. Deb actually suggested I use what my therapist refers to as a contingency: that I have to accomplish a particular task before I can join in our TV-watching/chatroom get-together tomorrow night. So my therapist and I, unable to come up with rewards that didn't involve food or spending money, decided I need to go with the contingency model, where being able to do one thing is contingent upon my doing another, less-desirable, thing first. And as there is no one to monitor my behavior and either allow or not allow me to do the more-desirable thing, I have to use self-discipline to stick to the plan.

I may have to paddle myself just for going along with this idea!

So that I can be held accountable, I need to let someone (or more than one someone) know what I'm accountable for. Therefore, I'm giving you all the basics. I expect only a few people to engage in this, but that will be enough.

I love to read "my" blogs, which I do every morning. Under the new rules, I cannot read any blogs until I've done my entire set of morning exercises, which includes sit-ups, push-ups, squats, lunges, toe lifts, a plank, and my foot exercises. Then I can read HALF of my blogs.

Now, that's not enough exercise. Ideally, I will get extra exercise every day. But to be sure I'll manage this, I'm going to start with three days a week where I will either walk at least half a mile or ride the exercise bike in the apartment gym for 15 minutes or dance-exercise vigorously for 15 minutes. (This is all way up from where I am now, which is not doing any of this.) Once I do this exercise, I can read the rest of my blogs.

On the days when I don't do any extra exercise, I have to do some chores around the house before I can read the rest of the blogs. Chores would consist of laundry, vacuuming, picking up, dealing with the Action items on the desk, job hunting, etc.

Eventually I plan to do the extra exercise at least five days a week. And I'll work my way up. I'll add in some hand weights and who knows what.

The other type of contingency task is more irregular. There are single tasks that come up, like the one I have to do tomorrow, that I don't get around to and don't get around to, so I have to put my foot down and set up something so I'll get it done. There are a couple of TV shows I like that I can watch on Hulu.com after they play on TV. My friends and I do this with Castle. And if I miss Project Runway on Thursday, it comes on Hulu also. But when MythBusters starts its new season on Sunday, it doesn't re-air except on TV at some random time. So I pretty much have to finish on time anything I make MythBusters contingent upon.

Right now, I have a set of tasks that I've had on my task list for three weeks. One is the one I have to do tomorrow. The others I can set where I have to finish them by Thursday evening — or before I watch PR on Hulu — and Sunday evening. So I'll have three easy contingencies I can use every week. If I have other tasks I'm not getting done, I may have to double up. 

That's the problem with not having a reward system. I am extremely self-indulgent. My mom didn't help. She would say "Treat yourself. You deserve it." And my parents didn't make getting what we wanted contingent on doing anything when I was a kid. They didn't use rewards, either. But they did do punishment. So I learned to have external loci of control from the time I was young: you got things you wanted at birthdays, holidays, and randomly when your parents felt like it. You didn't earn them for doing something good. 

Now I'm going to be going to Internal Locus of Control Bootcamp because I'll have to stop being self-indulgent and earn my pleasures. (Not those kind, perverts!) I've not been terribly good at self-discipline in the past, so this will be both very good for me and very difficult. I will be learning at a very basic level that I can control my life from within rather than via external things, and that I can use my own efforts and accomplishments to get what I want. As long as I stick to it. 

Thus the accountability part. Feel free to check on me, give me crap if I'm not living up to what I've stated I'm going to do, give me kudos when I am. Just knowing that others will be in on the process is both anxiety-provoking and relieving. The anxiety is because what if I fail? Others will know! The relief is because of the support to help me succeed; even just knowing that others know what I'm attempting will help strengthen my resolve to not indulge myself and let myself slide.

Time to let myself slide is over. I wanna accomplish things! Without the need for any other than self-discipline ....