It was a good therapy session today. My therapist detailed the ways in which I've improved from last year and even from a few months ago. The main thing she pointed out was that not only do I have ideas and plans, I actually follow through with them.
The thing is, this isn't just different from last year or even the year before when I was completely paralyzed with grief. Following through on intentions is something I haven't been doing reliably for years due to the depression and anxiety and the bad habits I developed (or the good ones I lost).
For example: I do a set of exercises and stretches every morning. Every. Morning. Even when I don't feel like it. I let myself skip the Saturday before last, but last Saturday I decided that taking a day off from my exercises wasn't doing me any favors, nor was it getting me closer to my goal of fitting into my "fat" Levis by the time I go to Seattle for the holidays. (I have to lose weight to fit into them. I have two other pair that are smaller than those.) So I didn't skip. I can't remember when I last performed exercises on a regular basis, much less an every-day basis. And I'm not even giving into to the "I don't feel like it"-itis that has been my typical behavior for years.
Other examples of my following through include my job hunting activity (applied for two jobs just this morning), and the activities I have to do in order to do a desired activity — my reward/contingency tasks.
I've still got a lot of work to do. I need to develop a habit of eating healthy (that's for November), but I refrained from buying any sweets today (including the fresh-baked pumpkin pie ... sigh) and I'm full from a late lunch so every time my mouth prompts me to get up and go find something to eat in the kitchen, I turn myself around (might as well get up off the couch and move a little) and walk back into the living room. No eating if I'm not hungry and give my sugar cravings time to die off.
I need to develop the habit of paying my bills on time. I need to clean off my desk so I can actually do work at it. And I need to start doing cardio exercises (that's December's habit to learn, even though I'm going to be out of town for several days).
Even though I still have much to do and change, I know I'll get it done. Why? Because I'm developing the most important habit of all, the habit of follow-through. And with that habit settling into my bones again, I know I can do anything.
Knowing you can do anything sounds like a really good feeling. Glad you're there.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to work at continuing to remind myself, but it does feel good to be here now. Thanks!
DeleteYay! Skye. I love hearing that positive tone in your blog. Good for you for persevering and for recognizing your achievements. Wishing you much continued success.
ReplyDeleteI've made so much progress in just the last few months. It's like all the work I've been doing came together. I also think that changing my meds had an effect too; I was overmedicated for awhile and my mind wasn't very lucid. So now I can think about and remember the cognitive therapy and all the other therapies and talking and thinking.
DeleteThank you!
This is great!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Welcome to my blog!
DeleteSoon you will look back on this and wonder what the big deal was.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to that day. Thank you for the cheering thought!
DeleteExercises every day! Good for you, that's hard! :-D And I like that your focus isn't even just on the content (exercising) but on the skill you're practicing, to follow through. That's an interesting way to approach it.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to do the exercises every day because each day I increase each one by one more repetition, so there's never a resting place. I'm tired and sore until a couple of hours later. And my sit-ups aren't a thing of beauty: I worry that I'm not developing a flat stomach because no matter how hard I try to hold it in, my stomach bulges up when I pull myself up.
ReplyDeleteBut then I feel so good for having gotten through another day of having done them and not giving in to the "I don't wanna" feelings. :) I look at it as managing my emotions ("I don't wanna" doesn't matter) --- cognitive therapy in action.
What progress!!! So exciting.
ReplyDelete(Gawd, I know what you mean about the damn exercises.)