A Body at Rest Tends to Stay at Rest

Inertia. Newton's First Law: a body at rest tends to stay at rest, unless a force is acted upon it. And I haven't been enacting any force upon myself since I arrived in Seattle. Well, not much.

As a result, I've lost the muscle tone I'd gained by doing exercises in the apartment. I have barely blogged at all. I haven't even been doing my therapy work, and I did my therapy work in Houston even when I was at my least functional! I have disappointed myself. My confidence has ebbed even lower than when I was in Houston.

However, I've had one phone interview for a full-time job and have another scheduled for next week. (According to my friend who works there, they screen very thoroughly so they get people who will work well with the team.) I think I have a shot, as long as I can convince them I am technical enough.

I've also acquired a part-time freelance job! They contacted me out of the blue: they'd found my profile on LinkedIn, then through that found my web site, which was unfortunately unchanged since Houston and they could only access one link to my work, but they still contacted me and by the time we talked in a two-hour meeting, they had decided upon me. It pays lower than a for-profit company would pay, naturally, but the work is very meaningful, challenging, and varied. Not only can I feel good about my contribution to this organization and the work they do, but I will not be bored and I will be stretching myself. Just for your info, this organization facilitates collaborations between researchers at small to large companies and institutions with other institutions and large pharmaceutical companies to address neglected diseases in the developing worlds and poor populations the world over. These diseases are not high-ticket items in terms of money-making, so the big companies don't pursue them. But the big pharmaceutical companies who have joined this consortium are committed to providing information — even about their compounds — and expertise to other researchers in this sphere. It's amazing!

So, this week my new therapist and I addressed my inertia. She asks good questions, such as when did I live my life more like I wanted it, when was I happier, when was I more active. We went all the way back to childhood for the answers. Among the answers we found was that I need to create for my mental health. I used to write and draw and paint all the time as a child, and even in my 20s. It began to taper off in my 30s, especially as my depression worsened. I developed the thought that I needed to write toward publication, rather than simply write the stories I want to tell. After taking my Scientific Illustration courses and doing beautiful work, I seemed to feel that I could no longer just mess around with my drawing and painting like I did before, but that I had to create at that same high level, so I stopped drawing and painting at all. And I really haven't crocheted a lot since creating a very intricate and difficult doily for my Grandma (which I now have framed).


Michele and I decided that I need to start with simple and easy. No pressure. Fun. So to begin with, I'll be taking a walk around the block on the two days a week I spend at the office. Actually, I'll probably walk around two or three blocks, because one block only took me five minutes. I'll set an alarm to go off two hours after I arrive at work so I will break my office time in half with my walk.

Also, I will be adding creativity into my day. To be easy, I'm not getting up earlier to do it in the morning. I'm still working on going to sleep at a reasonable time and getting enough sleep in general. Instead, I'm going to do something creative in the evening rather than spending that whole time surfing the net. I've been bored with the interwebz anyway lately, so breaking into it with some writing of any kind — my novel, a blog post, a story, a verbal sketch — some drawing, or some crocheting is no hardship and will probably make me feel better, mentally and emotionally.

I walked yesterday at the office. Today I even got out and walked around the yard in the afternoon (trying to stave off a nap, which failed because I napped anyway). And look at me: writing a blog post tonight! Tomorrow I'm back in the office and will take my walk, broken slightly as I check out the hours of the Antiques Liquidator that's around the corner from my office.

I'm still having confidence issues, but I think that the more I create at my freelance job, the more my confidence will rise. It seems I am a little rusty at the technical and scientific writing, with a dash of marketing thrown in (I think I'm going to look into taking a marketing writing class or two). But I'm getting better and will have a lot of practice with this first project. By then, I should be feeling quite good about myself and my skills and I'll even give y'all a link when it goes online so you can see what I did!

That's the news and the state of Skye. I've broken through the inertia in a tiny way and applied a small amount of force. But it doesn't take a lot of force to move an inert object into an entirely new orbit; I'm looking forward to the effects of this force multiplying and growing and taking me to where I want to go in my life.

Small steps can lead to great adventures. That's what I'm counting on.