I'm making progress! My therapist sat there this week and told me what a delight it was to watch me change how I was speaking about something, midstream, from using passive or victim-like language to strong and rational language. And how she'd been seeing this more and more the last several sessions.
We talked in our last session about how to break myself from identifying with depression and anxiety, something I do because I've dealt with them for so long they seem like something I just am. Well, I am not depression and I am not anxiety and I'm going to approach them the way I approach the fibromyalgia, starting with changing from saying my depression or my anxiety to the depression and the anxiety. None of them are me, none of them are who I am, they are simply disorders or illnesses or enemies that I struggle with, that try to keep me from being the energetic, creative, active person I truly am. I am now externalizing them rather than internalizing them.
Who would think that a small word change like using 'the' instead of 'my' would make a difference? But it does. How's this for an example? My depression makes me tired and sleepy versus The depression causes me to feel tired and sleepy. Using 'the' distances the depression from me, which cognitively allows me to add the extra words in the second sentence because they enhance the sense of distance. And if I only feel tired and sleepy, I don't have to give in to the feeling.
There is also the power aspect. As my therapist put it, the depression and the anxiety are the enemy and I have more power to fight them when they aren't part of me. My anxiety can control me; it's in charge and it's big. The anxiety is just a thing I experience and I, as I am learning to manage my emotions, am developing the ability to choose how I respond to it.
It's freedom and it's in reach. Instead of being controlled by how I feel, I am learning to control what I choose to do in response to how I feel. The SOS Help for Emotions book says "manage your emotions or they will manage you." And I'm learning how to do that.
I've always before not done something if I didn't feel like it or done something else because I did feel like it, but always how I felt determined what I did. I basically knew that wasn't really the best way to do things, but that didn't change how I did what I did. Now I have very real proof that I not only don't have to live that way, there is a better way to live and I can do it. I'm still having difficulties with doing things I don't feel like doing, but as I'm making progress with my thinking, I'm making progress with my speaking. Next I'll be making progress with my behaving. And that's what cognitive-behavioral therapy is about.
"I think therefore I am" may be enough for some people, but for me, I think I'll choose "I think therefore I do."
Way to go, Skye. The power and positive energy in this post are wonderful and inspiring. You are working so hard. It's great that you recognize and feel your progress!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mary! I'm working hard for sure. And now that I've gained some lucidity and brain power back after decreasing my meds a little, I am rereading some of my materials so I can get more out of them. My regained clarity makes it possible to notice more things, too, but I still need my therapist and others to point out obvious stuff to me. Oh well, eventually I'll see it more often myself. And making progress, and knowing it, is awesome!.
DeleteYes, I see a change in your posts too, gradual and subtle, and now with this post, a leap! Plus, know your insights are helpful to me in handling my life.
ReplyDeleteI need to go back and read my posts to see the changes.
DeleteI'm so glad that anything I write here is helpful to you!
Doing vs. Being is important. Are you a lump or active? You and I have been lumps much too often.
ReplyDeleteDoes that mean that you are going to become more active and less lumpish, too?! :)
DeleteNice work !!!
ReplyDeleteGo you! I told you that we have been seeing progress, like your therapist, and it's terrific that it's enough progress that you can start to see it as well. Words do have power and how we express ourselves and articulate our emotions is really important.
ReplyDeleteThat whole "emotional intelligence" thing is so important and nothing that I knew. I'm finally learning it and boy can I see why it's useful to learn when you are young if possible. It's just harder work now! :) Or maybe it only seems that way because I'm aware of what I am doing.
DeleteI'm so happy for you! And the my/the trick is great, will have to remember it.
ReplyDelete