I feel like my emotions are in a continual pinball game. Some places are lit up constantly, and pinging, pinging, pinging. Some places never light up, never make noise. The noise is constant, the stimulation is constant, and I don't get a chance to rest, to look away, because the next ball is in play and I have to keep it going for as long as possible. I don't know what will happen if I don't, but I fear it won't be good (my go-to thoughts and emotions are generally negative).
It's exhausting. As an extreme introvert, this much stimulation tires me even on an occasional basis. On a constant basis, well, I have fibromyalgia.
So I sit each day, finding concentration difficult, a constant pinball game playing in my head, wondering why I have so many difficulties getting it all together.
I think that the solution would be to just stop playing the game. Unfortunately, it's gone beyond my control and it plays itself. So now I have to figure out how to make it stop itself. Along with all that other stuff I'm doing to my mind.
Do you ever feel like your mind is a pinball game, or a thunderstorm, or some other powerful, highly stimulated state? What do you do when that happens?
My mind is full of irrational thoughts too often. Meditating helps, as does thinking about them (rather than ignoring them) and working through the irrationality.
ReplyDeleteRemind yourself your mind is out to get you, so drinking heavily and killing braincells is just self-preservation.
Yeah, my therapist will love that one.
DeleteIt's not even individual thoughts. It's just become like standing out in the middle of a huge, very busy carnival. I might make out individual words "win a pony" "get your fortune told" "ride the roller coaster" but they are just bits that show up a little louder than everything else.
Ugh. That metaphor makes me feel physically uncomfortable. Guess my agoraphobia is reaching into my metaphors now ....
I don't know. I'm sorry. It sounds really unpleasant.
ReplyDeleteSee my metaphor above. It really is unpleasant. But there are breaks when I write or when I have something I have to concentrate on a lot.
DeleteSkye, have you had any luck finding Tai Chi anywhere? If not, there is a video of the leader up on the Taoist site. I know when I do the set I can focus on the moves and everything else is shut out. If it's too hard to follow the whole set, what about simply doing one of the series of moves? Practice some brush knee pushes or stepping back to ward off monkeys or wave hands like clouds.
ReplyDeleteAnything that gives you a break from the pinball might help.
Hang in there!
I haven't looked. Everything is always "tomorrow" or "this week" and I just don't get to it. I'm hoping that the work I'm doing with therapy and this class and everything (even my Organizer is giving me homework!) will help me with the procrastination and that I will put Tai Chi on my schedule one day and I'll actually follow thru.
DeleteI need to get to that video. That would be best, if I could do the form I'm used to. I'll need to clear the living room a bit, but I think I can do that now.
For me, I have to go to water. The beach is the best. There's something very calming and healing about watching the waves do their thing. If I can't get to the beach I'll go to the lake, or even to a pool. Can't find a pool soak in a tub and throw in some epsom salts for the aches and pains. : )
ReplyDeleteI miss the beach So Much! But my apartment complex is on a lake, as is a wonderful park. I need to go walk the the park or the apartment running trail more often. Or go hang out on the fishing dock. Good ideas. Thanks!
DeleteYes, I do Skye. I'm usually not aware that the pin ball is bouncing around until I realize that I'm thinking thoughts/scenarios that are completely unfounded. It's called a keen imagination. That's why writing works for you, you're plugging into a gift that is otherwise a burden when left idle. I wish I could offer some tips to deal with it, I just tell myself to shut the fuck up when I realize what's happening.
ReplyDeleteI love Robena's advice about the beach. Standing and watching the surf is indeed one of the most calming things I have ever felt. The lapping sound of a lake under the dock is second. Try and go more. Wishing you the best Skye.
Braless, that is a good description: "thinking thoughts/scenarios that are completely unfounded." And I'm thinking them at light speed, bunches of them in tandem. When I'm not doing anything with my mind, even meditating, then the pinball game takes over. I need to keep my mind more occupied.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Ponball Brain usually happens to me when I go to bed. These days I fight off any negative emotion or brain state with meditation. I'm not good at it yet, but it still seems to work. The trick is to still do it on good days!
ReplyDeleteI've been practicing breathing meditation for a few months. I started with 5 minutes every morning. I'm up to 10. Problems is I still get sidetracked by my thoughts. So I haven't tried going beyond 10 minutes, not until I can actually meditate for most of that time.
DeleteI should try meditating when I am feeling all pinball-brained and see what happens.
Horrible analogy! And by that I mean it makes my skin crawl with all the noise and manic activity. Gah, no wonder you don't feel well!
ReplyDeleteCalming and focused, that's what's called for. Definitely walking (or just simply BEING) near water. Use it for mental cleansing.
Tai Chi is something that sounds perfect as well.
It would be wonderful to be at the beach. I will try to get to the lake soon.
ReplyDeleteI may have to join a tai chi class because I'm not sure I have room in my living room or bedroom to do all the moves. But I am going to try them, with the video, first!
I've just been feeling agoraphobic and staying in the apartment except for extreme need (like running out of food). No walking, no movement of any exercise-y kind. No wonder I am crazy in the head!
Hi Skye, I'm sorry things are so ping-y for you lately. Like one of your pals mentioned above, I get the ping at bedtime. It was really bad while I was in class (my vet program), but since I've started my internship it's better; but it's better because I'm exhausted every night from so much physical work.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried some physically tough volunteering like cleaning a cat adoption room? Pleasant cats and cleaning their cages makes them happy (and it's physical excercise.) Plus, if it's a big shelter, it's usually still a small staff of like-minded people.
Love to you.
I haven't been doing much of anything physically. Maybe that would help. Good idea!
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