Getting Un-Lost

Previously I wrote about how I lost my way and wandered away from the philosophies, beliefs, and practices that gave me balance and a center and serenity.

Since I wrote that, I bought a couple books on simplicity by the writer I most like. And at night before I go to bed, I use one of them plus the Boorstein and Aurelius books as inspiration books. I flip the pages back and forth and open them randomly to some page and section, then read it and ponder how they relate to my life right now and how I can use them to live better and more true to myself. 

I think they've been helping. Aurelius reminds me that the past is the past and that we choose our responses. Boorstein reminds me how to have an expansive mind that encompasses all of life and living. St. James reminds me to remember that I need less than I think I do, that what I have is enough. They feel like family who are reminding me of who I am and what I know.

I feel lighter. Yes, I got weepy about Mom a couple of times this past week, but that's okay. Grief takes time. What I'm finding is that some of the anger and resentment (mostly toward the Universe) is leaching away. And I found something I'd missed: Hatred. A shocking depth of hatred toward the Universe for taking my mom away from me and leaving me alone.That's definitely an issue to work on because I believe that hatred poisons the hater, and I don't need that.

I think I'm finding my way again. I feel more centered and more grounded. I look forward to when I look in the mirror at some point and say "Ah. There you are!"