Home and the Holidays

Last year, I spent Christmas in a hotel room. I had dinner at The Waffle House (which makes pretty awesome, filling, way too fat for you foods, especially waffles, of course). It didn't bother me at all; it bothered everyone else a lot.

So worry not this year: my mother is coming to spend the holiday with me. Mom and I have long planned that when Gram died, Mom and I would do something different for Christmas, because the same old thing would make us miss Gram even more. This year we are spending some time in San Antonio, at the Riverwalk Plaza, the place I stayed last year in early December, before I arrived in Houston. The city et al. were just beginning to put up the holiday lights when I left to continue my journey, so I look forward to seeing the end result this year.

I'm not decorating my apartment for xmas — I'd have to buy ornaments and decorations and my budget is already strained as tight as spandex on a hippopotamus. And I really cannot say where I will be next year at this time. I hope to be here. I plan to be here. But as the last two years have shown me, my plans don't seem to make any difference. I can plan, and then watch life simply ignore my plans, washing past them as if the plans were simply bits of dry grass in the wake of a strong-running stream. Or in the wake of a hippo wearing spandex.

So this year I will pay attention to myself. I will remain aware of what resonates within me as my mom and I explore an alternate way to spend the holiday. I will stay alert for situations, events, feelings, and things that add meaning to what I consider a family holiday, one that has become less and less interesting to me as I have had fewer and fewer family members. Without children around to add excitement and wonder, and with no religious connections to the holiday, I have to make my own connections and meaning. Or I might find that xmas truly doesn't matter to me and find other things, and other times, that mean more and then put my attention and energy on them.

I hope all who are reading this will have the happy holiday that suits them best.