Ah, Change, how I love thee! {insert hysterical laughter here}
For all my life I have resisted change. Except that I went back to school when I was 26 to change careers. Except that I sold my house and moved to the Oregon Coast when the dot-com market crashed. Except that I sold most of my stuff and drove off into the wild blue yonder to try my fortunes elsewhere. Except that I tossed it all up in the air again and moved back to Seattle.
Yeah, I haven't loved change, but I have been willing to make major changes when my life has come to a halt on its current track. But my last two major moves seemed to leave me limp and limbless, unable to continue making changes to move my life forward into a new path. So I'm stuck still, geographically changed but not changed in habit or expectation or behavior. Now what?
My friend Mary Stella recently wrote on her blog about doing a "life reboot" that encompassed all the changes she made before, during, and since her bariatric surgery. Her life has changed so completely, and she is happier and healthier than she's been in a long time. My friend Deb has made similarly major changes in her own life over the years, and is leading a productive, happy, healthy life and has finally broken into the fiction market as she's wanted to for some time. Both of these women awe and inspire me. They also support me and cheer me on and remind me that these major changes are built upon smaller and incremental changes: they did not all happen in one fell swoop.
One of my continuing problems has been that I want change to happen in one fell swoop. I moved to Seattle: I should have had a great job within just a few months! I've been in therapy and on meds for some time, and have made major changes in the meds this year: I should be fully functional, happy, and healthy! I've come to have little patience with small, incremental change. I'm tired of waiting. I want results NOW!
Sigh. Yeah, I know. So probably the first small change I need to make, the one upon which to build all the rest of them, is to change my attitude and perspective. I need to accept that I need to start small, partly because I've dropped so low in mood and functionality. I need to accept that big changes — other than the relatively simple ones of selling your stuff and moving hundreds of miles — take time and effort. Dramatic breakthroughs, sudden success — they rarely happen.
I was talking with an acquaintance/casual friend (friend of my housemates) the other day and suddenly realized I've become That Person: the one who has a reason why every suggestion you make won't work for them. I was appalled at myself. I've never before been That Person. That Person has always driven me crazy. But I've become her and I intend to stop being her Right Now.
To really drive home to myself how not to be That Person, I'm going to consider every single thing other people suggest. I may not pursue everything, but I'm at least going to take in and consider everything and if I decide something is not for me, I'm going to have a much better reason than "that won't work for me." ::shudder::
I know from the past several posts I must seem like I'm bouncing on the end of a bungee cord. It feels that way to me (although a really slow one because this most recent bounce downward has been long and a real doozy). But I'm back on the change trek. I don't know if it will do any good for others to remind me of previous posts or any other positive things I've said or experienced, but feel free if you like. At worst, all I can say is "nope, that won't work for me." :grin:: Or not.
So, off we go again. One, two, three … CTRL+ALT+DELETE!
This is very smart and very perceptive. When I was seriously ill, I kept going to doctors, many of whom promised "instant cures" (because that's the way our society is geared, especially with medicine). None of which worked, instantly or otherwise. So eventually I switched to nontraditional medicine--energy healing, herbalism, acupuncture, and hypnotherapy. None of these things work rapidly, although they also don't tend to have horrible side-effects. For years, my hypnotherapist laughed at me because every time we had a major session that felt like a huge breakthrough, I'd say: THIS is the big one! And of course, there was no BIG ONE. Just lots of layers peeled off the onion that eventually got me to feeling much better that I did when I started out. No miracles, just hard work, persistence, and a good team of people who had my back.
ReplyDeleteI'd still love to have the BIG miracle changes. And every once in a while, you get lucky. But mostly, yes, you have to change your attitude, so the little wins seem like big victories. Because they are.
Yeah. These are huge changes for me. There are still very fundamental world-view structures and expectations buried in my mind from my childhood, and I was basically raised up to eventually marry a Prince who would take care of me forever. Plus the whole American Dream, and almost all my friends are living the typical American way and have comfortable houses and etc. It's scary to think of doing and approaching things so very differently from my upbringing and my peers.
ReplyDelete1st: -I'm- That Person. As you have pointed out for years. While I'm flattered you want to be more like me, find your own schtick.
ReplyDelete2nd: I've seen you bounce on a bungee cord. Don't make me do that again. You promised.
3rd: Didn't we talk about confused models of change? When is the last time you thought about what change is, and what normal is. Obsessing with the problems and not keeping an eye on where you are going and the next step to get there is likely to be a little frustrating.
4th:I know we've discussed how any "back sliding" is traumatic and definitively shows how futile hope and progress are, and that normal people don't have bad days so if I have a bad day it means the end of all that is good.
5th: The web design world has (mostly) given up on redesigns. Such complete change just annoys people and is hard to manage (and to achieve good results). The new idea is improvement and adjustment. While there might be a lot you want to change, focus on 1 thing, decide what the goal is and how to get there, and start making steps. This is frustrating when the whole site is a mess, but is a much more manageable process.
1. I'd rather not copy your schtick. REALLY!
Delete2. I only said you don't have to watch me if I jump again, not that I wouldn't bungee jump again.
3. Um, do I really need to think?
4. Yeah.
5. Wouldn't wholesale change be easier? Or is this just another facet of me wanting Big Dramatic Change Now?
That Person: the one who has a reason why every suggestion you make won't work for them. I was appalled at myself. I've never before been That Person. That Person has always driven me crazy. But I've become her and I intend to stop being her Right Now.
ReplyDeleteTo really drive home to myself how not to be That Person, I'm going to consider every single thing other people suggest. I may not pursue everything, but I'm at least going to take in and consider everything and if I decide something is not for me, I'm going to have a much better reason than "that won't work for me." ::shudder::
lol Good reminder. You're awesome to notice things like that.