Humans are born hard-wired for connection, which is why being thrown out of a group, being ostracized, or simply having no community is so devastating. Even the non-conformists have to find other non-conformists to hang out with!
In my e-class on shame, love, and worthiness, one of the things Ms. Brown talked about was the need for a connection network: people in your life whom you can go to when you need support, when something that felt shaming to you occurs, when you need a reality check, and just for that being part of a group of people who love and accept you.
I have a very small connection network of people I know in person, and most of them live elsewhere. But I've discovered that I've got a lot of online friends who I've never met in my connection network. These are the people who cheer me along during my difficult times and my good times and who help me recognize good things amidst the rubble of my current life or who suggest good things that are not too difficult to do to make things better. These are the people who don't seem to mind that my blog has so much angst and depression to it. They see beyond the depression and anxiety to me, which boggles my mind.
As I slowly learn to accept that online friends count just as much as friends I've met, I slowly start to feel better. I feel as if I've met many of these friends and I find I want to give to them as much as they give to me. This is my community. This is my neighborhood. We drop off virtual casseroles on bad days and we share virtual margaritas on good ones. If I had the money, I would fly out to meet every single one of these people, give them a hug, and take them out to dinner (this was how we showed appreciation in my family).
So to all of you who are my virtual friends and family, and to those who may become such, thank you for making me feel more connected and less alone. It's taken me awhile to appreciate this kind of connection, but I have appreciated your kindness and thoughtfulness for as long as you've been providing them.
Love and blessings to you all!
I have the same connections and I'm so grateful for them - and you.
ReplyDeleteWe bolster each other. That's how honest and loving relationships work. From afar or nearer by.
ReplyDeleteAs J3 said, I too, am very grateful.
Also, you are most welcome. Just speaking for me, it's my pleasure.
I wrote something thoughtful and it disappeared. Darn. Basically what Judy and Julie said.
ReplyDeleteWhat's with Blogger? It's been eating people's comments right and left! And I don't even require that security thing. sometimes, when I'm losing comments, I copy the comment before I hit publish or post, then I can paste it back in if the comment goes awol.
DeleteI do too. The weird thing is that it was there and then when I came back it was gone.
DeleteOf course we count! When I speak of you guys I no longer say my online friend or my blogger friend. I say, my fabulous friend the writer or this awesome woman I know. :)
ReplyDeleteI've started to talk about you folks that way, too. It felt weird at first but it's starting to become more comfortable. But, being me, I always feel this need to explain. Maybe that will go away, too, soon.
ReplyDeleteI still have to explain and feel a bit weird too. Mostly it's because of the reaction I get. In fact it's really all about the reaction I get - I don't feel weird about these connections at all!
ReplyDeleteI felt weird about the connections for awhile because "these people don't know me; why would they want to listen to me about or help me with a problem?" I'm starting to get over that. I'm starting to be able to say to myself "hey, these people are real friends, not just names on blog pages." This is a very big step for me.
DeleteMy online friends came along right when I needed them--I love you guys! And talk about my peeps all the time. :-D Love you Skye!
ReplyDeleteAw, LM, you are the sweetest. Your comments are always so on target and thoughtful. Love you, too!
ReplyDelete