There is a psychological term called "locus of control". It basically means where you perceive the control over your life coming from: inside of you or outside of you. According to my therapist, people with an internal locus of control tend to be more successful and happy than people with an external locus of control.
Having an internal locus of control means that you perceive that you are in control of your life and that what you do determines what happens in your life, as much as possible.
Having an external locus of control means that you think that something or someone else — your parents, God(s), luck, the Universe, your neighbor's dog — determines what happens in your life; you don't feel that you have much if any control over it.
There is even a simple test you can take (the site asks for a name, but just so the program can be friendly and refer to you by your name; give it a fake name if you like, or just a first name), that will give you a quick and dirty determination of where you fall on the scale between 100% internal vs. 100% external control. Thirteen is 100% external — I got a nine. My BFF said he was pleased at that because he would have been unsurprised if I'd gotten a 13.
I titled this post Locusts of Control because while I often perceive a great, malicious Universe being in control of my life, I don't always. There are things I feel I am in control of (my side of a job interview, for example), and things that I feel that other people are in control of (whether or not to even read my resume, for example). For me, there are many loci of control, and sometimes they work in my favor and sometimes they descend like locusts and devastate my life (like my mother getting cancer and dying, or my being unable to find work).
Mind you, I would do better with a more internal locus of control, I know that. And I have been working on it, which is why I got a nine instead of a 13. But I doubt I'll ever have a one, for I have experienced the locusts.
"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity" is a quote by Seneca, a Roman philosopher. I do believe that you have to be prepared to take advantage of when luck introduces you to opportunity. But bad things still happen that have nothing to do with being prepared and everything to do with rolling dice with the Universe. I know a woman who's life has gone to hell this year, and basically little or none of it was within her control. I think that in situations like that, your locus of control can only help you determine how to deal with what you have been given to deal with. After the locusts have gone, do you replant or do you give up and move to the city and try to make a living there? It depends on how you perceive life ("If I replant, the locusts will just come again" vs. "The locusts have come and gone. They won't be back this season.").
I'd like to think I'd replant. That's basically what I've been doing by returning to Houston rather than running off to live with friends in Seattle. I still have some things to do that I am in control of doing; they may provide me with what I want. There are still options where the locus is within me. There are options where the control is part me and part others — do they want my skills and experience?
I know the locusts will return on and off again in my life and I perceive that the locus of control varies. Being able to perceive what I am in control of, and controlling it, will ultimately build a stronger and happier me. And that's what therapy's all about, isn't it?
I learn many interesting things at your blog, Skye. Internalizing this to my own life I see where I usually ceded control to my eating disorder when faced with upset and upheaval. I feel like I have moved to internal loci in the last year.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this, my friend.
I'm glad that I can offer you new things and information. Consider it a balance of all the good things I get from reading yourblog! :)
DeleteWhat a fabulous blog post, Skye. I'd forgotten about the locus of control. And I love your play on words...right now in the Cali desert our weather has turned humid and the insects are going nuts. Everyday I'm getting crickets inside looking for shelter. I'd say my situation was crickets of control. : 0
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I enjoyed everything you had to say here and I'm going to take the test.
Thanks, Roben! I appreciate your words. And my sympathies on the crickets. I finally found out how the majority of bugs were getting into my apartment: my bedroom window was slightly cracked open rather than tightly closed. Now maybe I won't find anymore of the giant tree roaches. I think I'd keel over if I found one of the locusts' relatives --- the cicada --- in my house. The buggers are scary-ugly!
DeleteI'd be interested to know what you get on the test.
Hey, this post seems written from a stronger place for you, from the place I remember you inhabiting before your mother fell ill.
ReplyDeleteI found that test ambiguous. I scored 10, but really in some cases I liked both answers and they did not seem opposed. And I did wonder how much in touch with the real world the test writers are.
Yeah, some of those answers were like "well of course things happen that I'm not in control of! who do you think I am?"
ReplyDeleteHow comforting your comment is to me! I like that this post seems more like the pre-apocalypse me. I appreciate your saying so.
I started the quiz but didn't finish because mostly I wanted both answers and I could always tell which one was external and which was internal. Darn psychology degree!
ReplyDeleteI like to control those things I can control. I'm okay with others in charge of stuff as long as I think they are doing a decent job, otherwise I'm taking over even if I don't want to be in charge. I don't think of the universe as malicious, impersonal maybe, but not malicious. I'm going to have to go think about this a bit.
I had to work at not seeing the Universe as malevolent and malicious toward me and managed that by my late 20s. But the past few years kind of brought that belief system crashing down on me again and I'm having to work toward an impersonal view once again. It's not rational and I'm working hard at rational. Wish I could manage Jenny's gorgeous rage at the Universe when it dumps just too much on me. Maybe with time. Right now, I'll just be happy if I can move past spending my days looking at the pretty colors in my laptop computer. :)
Deletewhat Karen said, except maybe I do think the universe is malicious. I've never really thought about it. I will have to go to my thinking place and consider this. Great post, Skye.
DeleteYou have a thinking place like Pooh? Cool! :)
DeleteThanks, Barb.
This was a FABULOUS post. It seems to go hand in hand with Jenny Crusie's recent post, but yet they are completely different.
ReplyDeleteAnd I too, love the play on words. I'd like to have you guest-post this on my blog sometime, if you'd be willing.
No problem. Any time you want.
DeleteOh, and I have always loved that Seneca quote. For a while it was up over my computer. Might have to put it there again :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd I went and looked at the test and I'm with Karen. Not only were the "right" answers obvious, but many of the times I thought neither answer was the one I'd chose. So I guess I am not only in control of my own life, I want to be in control of online tests too...
I think for any reasonably intelligent person, the answers were obvious about what was about internal vs. external control. As much as often I wanted to do both answers, I just chose the one that most described how I was thinking, even though I might have wanted to choose the other to prove how internally locused I am. :) But I think that anyone who comes away from that test with a one is seriously in denial over the extent of their ability to control every aspect of their life. :)
DeleteTried the test, and yep, way too obvious. Also? I simply had to quit because too often neither was even close to what I'd say or how I would reply.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post!
Thank you!
DeleteLove the play on words.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very important issue; as your friends have been saying and as you know.
That said, this test is crap. The questions often trivialize more complex situations and don't discern individual action in a sea of actions by others.
For example:
q8 - We've all seen badly written tests. When I was a TA, I had to proctor some horrible examples. The preparation of the students was irrelevant to the test-making skills (or lack thereof) of some instructors (that said, I also saw a lot of very good test-makers) (I also saw a complex mix of prepared and woefully unprepared students).
q10 - The world is largely run by those with power (that is why we describe them as having power), but within that, individuals can make a difference.
I scored a 9, but this test-maker scored a zero.
What if we kept a log? For the situations we deal with, note how much control we have, what options we see (often depression and other mental states will blind us to options)and what decision we made.
For example: job-hunting. We don't control what jobs are on the market, but we can control what jobs we apply for and how we present ourselves. We might even decide to start our own business.
Running a business is a great example. We have lots of control over how we run that business. But we still have to persuade other people to give us money so some control is always outside our grasp.
We do have lots of control. But we live on a planet with 7 billion people who also have control. How much control we choose to cede to others is the important question.
Skye - consider that you have chosen to be responsible for yourself for decades. You didn't find some guy to tell you what to do just to have someone, or some job where you were told what to do, rather than a profession where you have a lot of responsibility.
I realize you have just done this to better torture yourself, rather than as self-actualized decisions, but you are choosing to torture yourself, rather than get someone else to do it.
We'll follow up on this offline: there's too much to discuss in the comments. But, as always, thought-provoking.
DeleteI missed this the first time around but I saw it on Deborah Blake's site.
ReplyDeleteGot a 4. Not surprising for an atheist.
"there are many loci of control, and sometimes they work in my favor and sometimes they descend like locusts and devastate my life"
ReplyDeleteheh heh Love your turn of phrase.