My mom never got sick. Ever. Even after she had her gallbladder out (in the bad old days before laproscopy, when it was major abdominal surgery — plus they removed the appendix for kicks I guess), she managed recovery AND my two-year-old brother for a couple of weeks alone (my dad took me camping with some of his family — and my mother let him live).
Mom has always been the Energizer Bunny. She took on more and more responsibilities and tasks when her second husband started aging and getting depressed. When her mom, who moved in a year and a half after Mom's husband died, began slowing down, Mom managed. In the last year of Grandma's life, Mom slept in stretches that started at 4 hours and, at the end, diminished to an hour.
While Mom has been sympathetic with other people being ill or having absolutely no energy, she has not understood those things at all. When Grandma was too tired to eat, Mom was frustrated. When I told Mom I was so tired it hurt (I have fibromyalgia which, when it flares, is debilitating), she made sympathetic noises ... and was frustrated.
I hate that she is having to learn in a very personal way what being terribly ill and utterly exhausted are like.
She's gotten very weak this past week and sometimes needs help standing up. Given that the radiology oncologist said that the effects of radiation will continue and probably grow worse for a few weeks after treatments are over — and treatments ended only three days ago — it's going to get worse. We both find her weakness kind of scary, I think. Mom says "This is just stupid!" I've finally told her she cannot say that anymore; I don't want her to be negative toward herself. She says "This is ridiculous" and "I don't understand why I feel this way." Then I have to point out the obvious; she is just not used to thinking this way. She finds her state of health very difficult to accept.
She is going to get better. The effects of the radiation will begin to fade within a few weeks (or up to two months, depending on which doctor you believe). Under the best circumstances, she should be able to live several years. Maybe more. At the least ... well, I am not accepting the least. But it will be two or three months until she begins to resemble Superwoman again.
Then she'll have enough energy to power the whole house, once again.
I hope she regains her strength quickly. Would it help her to focus on the fact that it's like muscles being sore after a rough workout? They're torn apart and are actively putting themselves back together in a stronger formation so all the energy that used to be directed outward is now needed internally.
ReplyDeleteHey in there Skye, it is hard to see a love one in this spot. Just remember to take care of yourself so you can take care of her.
ReplyDeleteAnd beautiful picture of the seashell. Amazing work.
It hard coming to terms with your limitations when you have such a strong will. I've seen how hard it is coming to terms with illness and injury with both my parents and, for a short time myself.
ReplyDeleteMy mother had an accident that resulted in a brain trauma and minor brain damage. I stopped college, got a job, took on the house, was the unofficial guardian of my youngest sister and took care of my mother. Taking care of my mother was almost a full time job. Going to work was a relief - and I was working with alcoholics and addicts!!
I got terribly sick from taking to too much. My asthma, that I had never had problems with ever before, flared big time. I spent 8 years, almost my entire 20's, living a nightmare.
Care givers have to take care of themselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Help is out there. Don't deny yourself a life line, especially since you have fibromyalgia.
Maybe you could turn this blog into a support system for yourself. You said on Lucy's blog that you have been meaning to email some of us Betties. This way you are just saying it all once.
We could also set up an email support group, this way we're all having the same conversation. Whatever is going to be easier for you.
My email is CatherineScott17 at hotmail dot com. Use it anytime. Seriously!!
Much Love,
Cat
I am just going to say, read Cat's post again, and pretend that one was from me. Except it was my sister, and it was hospice care (oh, and I don't have asthma). Otherwise, I am with her completely, so....ditto.
ReplyDeleteUrthaLun at comcast dot net.
Also, I know you aren't getting any breaks right now, but I am only an hour away, and available on Tuesday/Thursday afternoons, pretty much always. We could meet halfway or something. I hear Veneta is lovely this time of year.
Julie